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let's let it be, why not?
October 18

飘吧~

 
 
前几天在个干净的博客上听到这首歌,不自觉的慢下眼珠子。我在飘,可又还没到它所讲的心境; 我享受着飘,却还是被它吸引。
 
我这里并不适合用这首歌做背景,因为没有干净的颜色,没有对人世的感慨,没有对平凡的把玩,没有对身边爱侣深沉承诺。
 
不过,如果你有这样的博客,试试用它做背景?
 
 
其实,咱们想开点吧,孤单的时候享受自由,有伴的时候享受温暖和安全,不是很好么?人生总是给我们交替的上着好戏,如果不好好享受现在正在上演的,它马上就会落幕。青春,一切都没有我们想象得那么长。。。
 
August 09

A man walking across China~~Cutty Mighty Beard!

 

The Longest Way 1.0 - one year walk/beard grow time lapse from Christoph Rehage on Vimeo.

August 05

活着,并且不撒谎(转载)

 
原文地址:http://www.ruanyifeng.com/blog/2009/07/live_not_by_lies.html
 
 
下个星期一(8月3日),是俄罗斯著名作家、诺贝尔文学奖获得者索尔仁尼琴逝世一周年的日子。
Crystal 注:
索尔仁尼琴: 亚历山大·伊萨耶维奇·索尔仁尼琴,台湾译作索忍尼辛,港澳译作索赞尼辛(俄语:Александр Исаевич Солженицын,拉丁语:Aleksandr Isayevich Solzhenitsyn;)1918年12月11日至2008年8月3日,前苏联俄罗斯的杰出作家,前苏联时期著名的持不同政见者。诺贝尔文学奖获得者,俄罗斯科学院院士。他在文学语言学等许多领域有较大成就。1969年11月,索尔仁尼琴被前苏联作家协会开除会籍。但瑞典皇家学院却于1970年“因为他在追求俄罗斯文学不可或缺的传统时所具有的道义力量”授予他诺贝尔文学奖金。当时,前苏联官方认为这是“冷战性质的政治挑衅”。索尔仁尼琴没有前去领奖。
 

为了表示纪念,我翻译了他的一篇著名文章《活着,并且不撒谎》(Live Not By Lies)。

该文写于1974年2月12日。写完后的当天,秘密警察就闯进他的公寓,将他逮捕,然后驱逐出境。这是他在苏联境内写下的最后文字。等到20多年后,他再回来的时候,苏联已经变成了俄罗斯。

我原以为此文很难翻译,但实际上很容易。早上6点起床后开始翻译,到午饭前已经全部译完了,真是顺利得出奇。

另外,为了避免可能的麻烦,再多说一句。

以下内容,仅供批判性学习。

Alexander Solzhenitsyn (December 11, 1918 – August 3, 2008)

========================

Live Not By Lies

活着,并且不撒谎

作者:[俄罗斯]亚历山大·索尔仁尼琴Alexander Solzhenitsyn

译者:阮一峰

原载1974年2月18日《华盛顿邮报》,A26版

At one time we dared not even to whisper. Now we write and read samizdat, and sometimes when we gather in the smoking room at the Science Institute we complain frankly to one another: What kind of tricks are they playing on us, and where are they dragging us? gratuitous boasting of cosmic achievements while there is poverty and destruction at home. Propping up remote, uncivilized regimes. Fanning up civil war. And we recklessly fostered Mao Tse-tung at our expense-- and it will be we who are sent to war against him, and will have to go. Is there any way out? And they put on trial anybody they want and they put sane people in asylums--always they, and we are powerless.

有一段时间,我们不敢说话,只是偷偷地通过地下出版物交流思想。我们偶尔会聚在科学院的吸烟室,互相抱怨:“政府到底在玩什么把戏?到底想把我们怎样?”周围是铺天盖地的对全宇宙最高成就的吹嘘,而现实中的贫穷和堕落却随处可见。这个政府还扶植那些落后国家的傀儡政府,煽动内战。我们还傻乎乎地出钱,把毛泽东培育起来。最终,还是我们这些人被送上战场,去与他作战,他们逼着你去。我们有出路吗?他们想审判谁,就审判谁。他们把正常人关进疯人院。他们掌握一切,我们无能为力。

Things have almost reached rock bottom. A universal spiritual death has already touched us all, and physical death will soon flare up and consume us both and our children--but as before we still smile in a cowardly way and mumble without tounges tied. But what can we do to stop it? We haven't the strength?

情况已经糟到不能再糟了。一场全面性的精神死亡,正降临到我们所有人头上。肉体的死亡很快也会来临,我们和我们的子孙都无路可逃。但是我们一如既往,还在怯弱地装出笑容,毫不费力地表示顺从。我们能够阻止这一切吗?我们真的没有力量吗?

We have been so hopelessly dehumanized that for today's modest ration of food we are willing to abandon all our principles, our souls, and all the efforts of our predecessors and all opportunities for our descendants--but just don't disturb our fragile existence. We lack staunchness, pride and enthusiasm. We don't even fear universal nuclear death, and we don't fear a third world war. We have already taken refuge in the crevices. We just fear acts of civil courage.

为了得到自己那份吃不饱的口粮,我们无可救药地就把人性抛弃了,把我们所有的原则、我们的灵魂、前人的所有抗争、后人的所有机会都抛弃了,只为了让自己能够可怜地生存下去。我们缺乏忠诚、自豪感和热忱。我们不害怕核武器,也不害怕第三次世界大战,我们已经是废墟中的难民了。我们只害怕作为一个公民,做出有勇气的行为。

We fear only to lag behind the herd and to take a step alone-and suddenly find ourselves without white bread, without heating gas and without a Moscow registration.

我们害怕落在人群的后面,走出自己独立的一步。我们害怕一夜之间就失去了面包、失去了暖气、失去了莫斯科的户口。

We have been indoctrinated in political courses, and in just the same way was fostered the idea to live comfortably, and all will be well for the rest of our lives. You can't escape your environment and social conditions. Everyday life defines consciousness. What does it have to do with us? We can't do anything about it?

我们一直在各种政治学习中被洗脑,一直被教导要活得顺从,你想要好好活着就要听话。个人无法逃脱他的时代和社会。每天的生活都在考验一个人的良知。他们想把我们怎么样?我们真的无能无力吗?

But we can--everything. But we lie to ourselves for assurance. And it is not they who are to blame for everything-we ourselves, only we. One can object: But actually toy can think anything you like. Gags have been stuffed into our mouths. Nobody wants to listen to us and nobody asks us. How can we force them to listen? It is impossible to change their minds.

不,我们可以的,可以做到每件事。但是为了不自找麻烦,我们宁愿对自己撒谎。该被谴责的人,不是他们,而是我们自己。但是,你能够做到反对,即使一个傀儡也能自由思想。我们的嘴被封住了,没人想听我们的意见,也没人来问我们。我们怎样才能强迫他们倾听我们的声音?改变他们的心意是不可能的。

It would be natural to vote them out of office-but there are not elections in our country. In the West people know about strikes and protest demonstrations-but we are too oppressed, and it is a horrible prospect for us: How can one suddenly renounce a job and take to the streets? Yet the other fatal paths probed during the past century by our bitter Russian history are, nevertheless, not for us, and truly we don't need them.

在选举中,不把票投给他们是很自然的想法。但是我们的国家没有选举。在西方,人们可以罢工和上街抗议,但是在我们这里,这些是被镇压的。对我们来说,有些事情哪怕只是想一想,都很恐怖,要是一个人突然辞去工作,走上街头,会怎样?上个世纪,在俄罗斯苦难的历史中,人们尝试过其他更激进的道路,但是这些道路对我们不合适,我们真的不需要这些方法。

Now that the axes have done their work, when everything which was sown has sprouted anew, we can see that the young and presumptuous people who thought they would make out country just and happy through terror, bloody rebellion and civil war were themselves misled. No thanks, fathers of education! Now we know that infamous methods breed infamous results. Let our hands be clean!

靠斧头办事的年代已经过去了,现在的一切与以前完全不同了,只有那些少不更事和自以为是的人,才会以为通过恐怖主义可以达到目的。流血的暴动和内战都已经行不通了。如果有人还要教导我们这样做,我们只能说谢谢。现在我们知道,坏的方法只会导致坏的结果。请让我们保持清白!

The circle--is it closed? And is there really no way out? And is there only one thing left for us to do, to wait without taking action? Maybe something will happen by itself? It will never happen as long as we daily acknowledge, extol, and strengthen--and do not sever ourselves from--the most perceptible of its aspects: Lies.

出口是不是已经关上了?真的没有其他路出去吗?我们是不是只能眼睁睁地坐着不动?幻想美好的结果会自然而然地发生?只要我们日复一日地选择接受谎言、赞美谎言、加强谎言(而不是与它决裂),那么就不会有不一样的事情发生,生活就不会有任何不同。

When violence intrudes into peaceful life, its face glows with self-confidence, as if it were carrying a banner and shouting: ``I am violence. Run away, make way for me--I will crush you.'' But violence quickly grows old. And it has lost confidence in itself, and in order to maintain a respectable face it summons falsehood as its ally--since violence lays its ponderous paw not every day and not on every shoulder. It demands from us only obedience to lies and daily participation in lies--all loyalty lies in that.

起初,暴政刚刚出现的时候,它的脸上洋溢着自信,好像挥舞着旗帜,高喊:“我是暴政。滚开,为我让路。我将捏死你们。”但是,暴政很快就会衰老,对自己失去自信,为了维持脸面,它只好找到谎言作为同盟,因为它无力将可怕的爪牙每时每刻放在每个人的肩头。它要求我们服从谎言,要求我们永久性成为谎言的一份子。这就是它所要求的全部忠诚。

And the simplest and most accessible key to our self-neglected liberation lies right here: Personal non-participation in lies. Though lies conceal everything, though lies embrace everything, but not with any help from me.

要想找回我们自暴自弃的自由,最简单、最容易的方法就是,你作为个人绝不参与谎言。虽然谎言遮天蔽日,无处不在,但是休想从我这里得到支持。

This opens a breach in the imaginary encirclement caused by our inaction. It is the easiest thing to do for us, but the most devastating for the lies. Because when people renounce lies it simply cuts short their existence. Like an infection, they can exist only in a living organism.

只要我们不合作,铁筒一般的包围圈就有一个缺口。这是我们能做到的最简单的事情,但是对于谎言,却是最具有毁灭性。因为只要人们不说谎,谎言就无法存在。它就像一种传染病,只活在那些愿意说谎的人身上。

We do not exhort ourselves. We have not sufficiently matured to march into the squares and shout the truth our loud or to express aloud what we think. It's not necessary.

我们并不做出激烈的举动。情况还没有成熟到,可以允许我们走上广场,大声喊出真相,或者大声表达我们的心声的地步。这样做是不必要的。

It's dangerous. But let us refuse to say that which we do not think.

虽然有危险,但是让我们拒绝说出我们不认同的话。

This is our path, the easiest and most accessible one, which takes into account out inherent cowardice, already well rooted. And it is much easier--it's dangerous even to say this--than the sort of civil disobedience which Gandhi advocated.

这就是我们的道路,最为简单易行,只需要我们重新审视内在的、已经植根于我们天性之中的怯弱就行了。它比甘地提倡的不合作主义,还要容易做到得多,虽然这样说并不可取。

Our path is to talk away from the gangrenous boundary. If we did not paste together the dead bones and scales of ideology, if we did not sew together the rotting rags, we would be astonished how quickly the lies would be rendered helpless and subside.

我们的道路,就是不说那些已经烂掉的东西。只要我们不把已经死亡的意识形态的骨骸重新拼起来,只要我们不把烂麻袋重新缝起来,我们就会看到,谎言枯萎和崩溃的速度是多么惊人。

That which should be naked would then really appear naked before the whole world.

让那些原来就该暴露的东西,赤裸裸地暴露在全世界面前。

So in our timidity, let each of us make a choice: Whether consciously, to remain a servant of falsehood--of course, it is not out of inclination, but to feed one's family, that one raises his children in the spirit of lies--or to shrug off the lies and become an honest man worthy of respect both by one's children and contemporaries.

虽然我们每个人都是胆怯的,但是让我们做出一个选择。要么你自觉地作为一个谎言的仆人(当然,这并非由于你赞成谎言,而是由于你要养家,你不得不在谎言之中把孩子们养大),要么你就脱掉谎言的外套,变成一个忠实于自己的人,得到你的孩子和同时代人的尊重。

And from that day onward he:

从今以后,你

* Will not henceforth write, sign, or print in any way a single phrase which in his opinion distorts the truth.

* 不以任何方式书写、签署、发表任何一句在你看来不是真话的句子。

* Will utter such a phrase neither in private conversation not in the presence of many people, neither on his own behalf not at the prompting of someone else, either in the role of agitator, teacher, educator, not in a theatrical role.

* 不在私下或公开场合,以宣传、指导、教授、文艺演出的形式,自己说出或鼓动他人说出,任何一句在你看来不是真话的句子。

* Will not depict, foster or broadcast a single idea which he can only see is false or a distortion of the truth whether it be in painting, sculpture, photography, technical science, or music.

* 不描述、培育、传播任何一个你认为是谎言或是歪曲真相的思想,不管它的形式是绘画、雕塑、摄影、科技、或者音乐。

* Will not cite out of context, either orally or written, a single quotation so as to please someone, to feather his own nest, to achieve success in his work, if he does not share completely the idea which is quoted, or if it does not accurately reflect the matter at issue.

* 不以口头或书面的形式,不为了个人利益或个人成功,引用任何一句取悦他人的话,除非你完全认同你所要引用的话,或者它确实准确反映了实情。

* Will not allow himself to be compelled to attend demonstrations or meetings if they are contrary to his desire or will, will neither take into hand not raise into the air a poster or slogan which he does not completely accept.

* 不参加任何违背你心意的集会或游行,也不举手赞同任何一个你不完全接受标语或口号。

* Will not raise his hand to vote for a proposal with which he does not sincerely sympathize, will vote neither openly nor secretly for a person whom he considers unworthy or of doubtful abilities.

* 不举手为任何一个你不真心支持的提议背书,不公开或秘密投票给任何一个你觉得不值得或怀疑其能力的人。

* Will not allow himself to be dragged to a meeting where there can be expected a forced or distorted discussion of a question.

* 不同意被拉去参加任何一场可能强奸民意或歪曲事实的讨论会。

* Will immediately talk out of a meeting, session, lecture, performance or film showing if he hears a speaker tell lies, or purvey ideological nonsense or shameless propaganda.

* 如果听到任何一个发言者公然说谎,或者传播意识形态垃圾和无耻的洗脑宣传,你应当立即退出该会议、讲座、演出、或者电影放映场合。

* Will not subscribe to or buy a newspaper or magazine in which information is distorted and primary facts are concealed.

* 不订阅或购买任何歪曲事实或者隐瞒真相的报纸或杂志。

Of course we have not listed all of the possible and necessary deviations from falsehood. But a person who purifies himself will easily distinguish other instances with his purified outlook.

当然,我们不可能罗列全所有可能的和现实中的谎言的变种。但是,一个纯洁地活着的人,应该可以很容易的看出什么是真的,什么是假的。

No, it will not be the same for everybody at first. Some, at first, will lose their jobs. For young people who want to live with truth, this will, in the beginning, complicate their young lives very much, because the required recitations are stuffed with lies, and it is necessary to make a choice.

如果你这样选择,那么从一开始,你的生活就将发生巨变。对于某些人来说,他们很快就会失去工作。对于那些想寻找真相的年轻人,他们的青春岁月很快就将变得非常坎坷,因为要求背诵的内容中充满了谎言,你不得不做出选择。

But there are no loopholes for anybody who wants to be honest. On any given day any one of us will be confronted with at least one of the above-mentioned choices even in the most secure of the technical sciences. Either truth or falsehood: Toward spiritual independence or toward spiritual servitude.

对于所有那些想要诚实生活的人,是没有第三条路的。任何一天,我们中的任何一个人,都面临着至少一种上述选择,即使是在最没有意识形态色彩的科技领域也是如此。要么选择真相,要么选择谎言,要么选择精神的独立,要么选择精神的奴役。

And he who is not sufficiently courageous even to defend his soul- don't let him be proud of his ``progressive'' views,and don't let him boast that he is an academician or a people's artist, a merited figure, or a general--let him say to himself: I am in the herd, and a coward. It's all the same to me as long as I'm fed and warm.

任何一个胆小到不敢捍卫自己灵魂的人,就不配说自己有“进步的”观点,就不配自称为学者、艺术家、将军、或者其他尊称。他只能对自己说:“我是一个听话的人,我是一个懦夫。只要能够吃饱穿暖,让我说什么做什么都可以。”

Even this path, which is the most modest of all paths of resistance, will not be easy for us. But it is much easier than self-immolation or a hunger strike: The flames will not envelope your body, your eyeballs, will not burst from the heat, and brown bread and clean water will always be available to your family.

即使这样一种反抗是所有反抗中最轻微的,也是很不容易做到的。但是,它还是比自我牺牲或者绝食要容易得多,你的身体和你的眼睛不会受到伤害,你家不会被断暖气,也不会被切断面包和清洁的饮用水的供应。

A great people of Europe, the Czhechoslovaks, whom we betrayed and deceived: Haven't they shown us how a vulnerable breast can stand up even against tanks if there is a worthy heart within it?

捷克斯洛伐克人民是欧洲伟大的人民,我们背叛和欺骗了他们。他们向我们证明了,只要有一颗勇敢的心,即使最柔弱的躯体,也是能够站起来对抗坦克的。(译注:此处指1968年的布拉克之春。)

Crystal 注: 布拉格之春(英语:Prague Spring),1968年1月5日开始的捷克斯洛伐克国内的一场政治民主化运动。这场运动直到当年8月20日苏联及华约成员国武装入侵捷克才告终。一次有重大意义的国际政治事件,标志着华约内部的裂痕已经渐渐显现,可视为东欧剧变的前奏与导火索。
1968年,捷克斯洛伐克共产党中央第一书记杜布切克发起了布拉格之春改革,有脱离苏联控制倾向。8月20日晚11时,布拉格机场接到一架苏联民航机信号“机械事故,要求迫降”没有理由不同意。客机一降落,数十名苏军突击队员冲出机舱迅速占领机场。几分钟后,苏第24空军集团军巨型运输机开始降落,一分钟一架。1小时后,一辆苏联大使馆的汽车引路,苏军空降师直扑布拉格,与此同时苏军其他陆军同时进攻。21日拂晓,苏军占领布拉格,逮捕杜布切克。

 

You say it will not be easy? But it will be easiest of all possible resources. It will not be an easy choice for a body, but it is only one for a soul. No, it is not an easy path. But there are already people, even dozens of them, who over the years have maintained all these points and live by the truth.

你说这样做很困难?但它是所有可能的方法中最容易的一种。对于你的肉体,这不是一个容易的选择;但是对于你的灵魂,这是唯一的选择。已经有这样的人,数量甚至已经达到了几十个,他们已经坚持上面的标准许多年,只说真话而活着。

So you will not be the first to take this path, but will join those who have already taken it. This path will be easier and shorter for all of us if we take it by mutual efforts and in close rank. If there are thousands of us, they will not be able to do anything with us. If there are tens of thousands of us, then we would not even recognize our country.

所以,你不是第一个采用这种方法的人,你将成为已经这样做的人们中的一员。如果我们共同努力,密切合作,这条道路将变得更容易和更短一些,对我们所有人都是如此。如果这样的人达到了几千个,他们就对我们无计可施。如果这样的人达到了几万个,那么我们将发现我们的国家变得完全不一样了。

If we are too frightened, then we should stop complaining that someone is suffocating us. We ourselves are doing it. let us then bow down even more, let us wait, and our brothers the biologists will help to bring nearer the day when they are able to read our thoughts are worthless and hopeless.

如果我们被吓破了胆,那么我们就不要再抱怨,别人在压迫我们,是我们自己在这样做。我们只好弯下腰等着,让生物学家把我们的猴子兄弟变得更进化一些,等到那一天,它们可以读懂我们的思想是多么的没有价值和没有希望。

And if we get cold feet, even taking this step, then we are worthless and hopeless, and the scorn of Pushkin should be directed to us:

如果我们临阵退缩,连不参与撒谎都不敢做,那么我们就是没有价值和没有希望的。普希金的讽刺用在我们头上正合适:

``Why should cattle have the gifts of freedom?

“为什么要给畜牲自由?”

``Their heritage from generation to generation is the belled yoke and the lash.''

“它们一代代的命运就是套上枷锁,接受鞭挞。”

 
 
August 03

初识黄耀明

       这次回家有个机会浅尝黄耀明的歌。
       我对他的最初印象,简单说,就是颓废。我承认那种喧闹奢华缤纷之下的阴暗也应该蕴含着种种的生存哲理,必有深刻的哲人是被这样的土壤孕育成长。可始终我的心背离着这种美丽,我觉得我的人生已经走过了某个阶段,不会再喜欢这类音乐。而且心里总觉得,很多人喜欢这种调调,有多少真的是颓靡而思考着,而又有多少是借着这些昏暗自欺欺人的将自己的浅薄软弱包裹成神秘忧伤,希望借以体现一种所谓魅力。这些或让我有些天然的疏离或让我不屑,所以我均远离。
       
        但即使理性上我一直远离这种音乐和喜欢他们的人,它对我应该还是有种天然的吸引力,就像我一直钟爱着郑秀文的<808>,那种节奏,那种就算只是片刻也无所谓的靡靡忘形的欢乐....可能这就是一种情绪,每个人对它的需求量不同。我不要那么多,却需要一点点。<南方舞厅> 从时代背景上看是反映了中国社会刚刚开始开放变革时,北方萧瑟南方繁荣的鲜明对比,歌词诗意而潇洒,而表现形式上恰好满足了我这种"只需要一点点"的人。(这首歌准确说是达明一派的)
 
        另外也发现了黄耀明的两首歌,那么清楚明白的写出了我不敢去看清的,但却似乎渐渐清晰一种想法。我虽然仍在挣扎,但它带来的共鸣无法不承认,我想很多人也会一样。
        今天听到<我这么容易爱人>,又想起了回家时听到的<美丽在心头>,看着歌词,突然想起那个情景: 在飘起樱花的一个暖暖的中午,我跟筇倚在她寝室的阳台上晒太阳,到处是是熙熙攘攘赏花的人。我们本来只是互相打趣的八卦,渐渐讨论着爱情到底是怎么回事,讨论的结尾开始有点悲观的担心是不是我们在适婚年龄碰到了那个还算合适的人,也就这样结婚了。
        现实已经让我们学会了豁达和忘记,现实似乎在教我们放弃深沉,学会对sex and city式爱情的认同,现实会带我们去到哪里?
        不知道她会不会听到这首歌,想起那个中午。       
       
July 14

How to cope with self-doubt(转载)

 
 

August 21st, 2003

A very major publication just reviewed my friend’s book. The reviewer loved the book and as I read the review, each laudatory sentence makes me more ill. I feel an overwhelming moment of self-doubt coming on. I get sweaty and my heart pounds and I feel like the world will end if I don’t have sugar.

My moments of self-doubt always begin with the panic that I will not do anything important in my life. I panic that I will not even figure out what is important, let alone do it. Then I have flashbacks to all the teachers who wrote, “Penelope is bright, but she does not work up to her potential."

Tonight I am so upset I can’t even finish my stack of reading. I fear I will read somewhere in my pile that the Nobel Prize committee has decided to make 100 simultaneous awards and they are all to people I know and now everyone I ever talk to will have a Nobel Prize and I won’t.

Tonight I am worrying that other people have greatness and there is a finite amount of greatness and it is slipping out of my hands. Also, it is embarrassing to admit to wanting greatness knowing that there is a risk that I will not achieve it.

To calm myself down I eat some Oreos and as the double-stuffness clears my mind, I remember the aspects of my friend’s life that are so destroyed that not even an outstanding book review will help:

1. He has been married for fifteen years and cheated on his wife about fifteen times.
2. His mother is overbearing and controlling and spent his book advance on purchases that will not improve her life, or his.
3. His wife’s friends hate him so much for his arrogance they do not talk to him.
4. His dog does not play well with others and you can’t teach old dogs new tricks.

Okay. There. I am feeling better already.

So I sit down to do the only thing that can make things better: I do my job. I am sure that the best way to face self-doubt is to push through it.

I remind myself that this guy had writer’s block for six months, and nearly lost his whole book contract because he wasn’t meeting deadlines. He ran out of money three months before he delivered the book and he lived off credit cards, hoping that the book would sell so well that he would earn over and above the initial advance. He pushed himself in the face of failure and even bet on himself a second time.

I can do that. With a clear head I know that everyone who has wild success is someone who had to eat a box of Oreos. Everyone has her moments of huge self-doubt, often in the face of someone else’s grand success. But there is not finite success in the world. There is just a finite amount of people who can stomach the pain of wanting success so much.

So tonight I stomach pain. I put the book review on my fridge to remind myself that my friend pushed through his own self-doubt and garnered laudatory reviews from his peers. I sit down to write another column, and eventually my self-doubt dissipates. It always does.


Comments (18)

Leave a Comment

Penlope, I'm a life coach pitching a magazine article about self-doubt and looking for comments, stories, words of wisdom, commiseration to include. Specifically, I want to know what works for people to push past doubt and move forward.

Are you willing to contribute a story or a quote to enliven my article?

Thank you very much!

Nina Durfee
503-932-7407
http://www.lifesculpt.net

 

Posted by Nina Durfee on 08/18/2007 at 11:32am

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I just discovered your blog today, and I have been additively reading post after post all morning. Thanks for being so open. It helps me clarify some of the same concerns and issues that I have. And also you write well.

 

Posted by Chris Pommier on 02/25/2008 at 12:43pm |

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This post is so wonderfully honest .. I love., love, love how open and self-revealing it is. Self- doubt and jealousy go hand and hand. Have you seen this Oscar Wilde quote?

It is not uncommon to commiserate with a stranger's misfortune, but it takes a really fine nature to appreciate a friend's success. — Oscar Wilde

 

Posted by lori nelson on 05/23/2008 at 07:48pm

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This is probably one of your bestest posts. I also binge on your posts. Some of them force me to look at things differently. I love it, and I hate it. But I think I mostly love it. Thank you for this blog.

 

Posted by Joy-Mari on 10/22/2008 at 12:11pm |

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I have had a few major deal breakthroughs in my life that came just as I was being, literally and figuratively, put in the street. That last big success was a while ago, and I am hurting now after a term of relative success as an analyst, working for some prestigious telecoms and web enterprises. I never really learned how to save, and two broken marriages did not help the buffer.

My internal dialogue says that I am getting old and don't have the energy of yore to help incubate the next coup.

Of course, I am now the Willy Coyote, as opposed to the Road Runner.

 

Posted by Alan Wilensky on 02/06/2009 at 09:57am |

Crytsal 注: Willy Coyote & Road Runner 据我粗浅search是一个动画片的两个人物,但由于我没有看过这部动画,有哪位看过的,可以解释解释这个评论的metaphor 么?

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I think about this everything: that I will not do anything important in life, that I will not even figure out what is important. Why is it that someone has a need to figure out and do something "important" and other people (most of my girlfriends) really just want to fall in love with a great guy?

 

Posted by NYC on 02/06/2009 at 10:25am

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So glad you linked to this post.

We all need to hear that success is not finite, but also, that it does depend on what we choose to do (or not do).

 

Posted by Tiffany Monhollon on 02/06/2009 at 12:00pm

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Holy crap! That's the most inspirational post I've ever read! You really cut through the crap and get to the point.

I'm going to print it out and hang it on my fridge to remind me that it is possible to make it as a blogger.

-Eric

 

Posted by Eric on 02/06/2009 at 04:47pm

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So you feel better thinking about another person's failures and shortcomings? Cuz that's the takeaway here, not your sitting down to write more blog posts.

 

Posted by Barbara on 02/08/2009 at 01:15am |

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This is disturbing and I agree with Barbara. Can't you just be happy for the one thing that is going right for your friend, instead of tearing him down for everything else? If someone really has potential for greatness it will flourish, regardless of what everyone else is doing.

 

Posted by anonymous on 02/08/2009 at 07:08am

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Penelope,
I like reading your posts. I followed the link in your last post, about being an artist, to read this very interesting topic. However, it is very difficult to read this post. I think your writing evolved a lot in the last 6 years, cause your current posts are easier to follow. Thanks for making me smile (and think).
Love
 

Posted by Banu on 02/09/2009 at 10:43am

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A comment someone once made that rang true to me was: Don't compare your insides with someone else's outside.

 

Posted by jj on 02/15/2009 at 05:38pm |

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Penelope,
I agree wholeheartly with your post. Having spent the last several years trying to "make it" as an artist, and watching a number of colleagues become successful, some without trying very much, I have felt the ugly demon of jealousy, and the similarly ugly demon of despair – that I have no talent, no ability, and will never amount to anything. These feelings come and go, usually fueled by seeing others' work, and hearing of their success. Throughout this, I keep creating stuff that I like and hoping that others will like them. I dont think the self doubt will ever go away, but I dont let it stop me. Its nice to think that other people go through the same emotions, and get through it the same way.
Cheers, Elly.

 

Posted by Elly on 02/18/2009 at 10:11pm

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Well, I think the two comments (from Barbara and 'anonymous') show that they are the ones who get jealous and cannot deal with it appropriately.

Barbara, anonymous: you are projecting. (Look up the word in the dictionary).

Every human being feels jealousy at times and to be honest about it, especially in print (with your real name and even a photograph; we do not know who "Barbara" and "anonymous" are) is beautiful. Makes it very easy for others to learn from that kind of a person. And besides, you ended this column showing how the friend you were jealous of helped you overcome your own self doubt. You ended it on a kind note.

Great writing. I did some work as a columnist and was always told that it was because I put myself into my stuff so much that people were so taken by it.

Keep up the good work :-)

 

Posted by Sam on 04/17/2009 at 02:23pm

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I'm glad you feel self-doubt about things, too, because you're writing is incredible. It makes people burdened with mediocrity feel better to know that people who are truly great have insecurities, too. Thank you for sharing those insecurities on this blog. I can't seem to stop reading post after post after post of all the great content here. You have an amazing gift and extra helpings of talent. I'm jealous of you. I admire you. Keep it up. All my best – Todd

 

Posted by Todd @ The Personal Finance Playbook on 04/29/2009 at 03:17pm

 
 
July 05

问:如果你看到这个情景会想到什么?

夏日某晚,五六个老太太,七十多岁吧,坐在一家肯德基很正中的位置泰然自若的打牌。
 
 
2009.7.16.
那天晚上,我从家门口的肯德基出来时,看到这个情景,觉得,无论是整个场景还是只是她们都很可爱,脑袋里就闪出一些想法: 
  太强了!
  她们竟然没有觉得那个地方“不属于她们”而不敢进~
  而且“堂而皇之”的打牌~
  肯德基是不是真的比麦当劳更“本地化”?
  可以作为肯德基的一个广告创意,来吹捧自己的本地化!
  这个场景有意思,可以作为一道那种没有答案的考题面试
  还可以做个小学作文题目~说不定会有小朋友习惯性的上纲上线一下~~
  我可以在blog上面问问,也许会知道一些out of box的答案!
 
 
  好了,我的坦白完毕。呵呵~~欢迎大家来玩!
June 19

舞蹈《牵手》

闲,看了一些电影,几本书,还有一些零碎视频,由于一下子食量太大,竟感觉难以消化,一时间说自己看了什么,有什么感受,脑袋一片空白。今晚无意间发现这个视频,联想起看了的那一堆电影中的其中一个--<I am Sam>(Sean Penn主演). 推荐一下。
  
 
 
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